January 2013
2 posts
A few years ago I went down to the American Southwest with a friend of mine to see what it was all about. When I got back I did what everybody else does: I put the pictures up on Facebook. But a funny thing happened. As I put the photos up, I noticed, like countless others have, that the slideshow format lent itself to a narrative. I put the photos up, and wrote something to go along with them,...
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The Mall of Tomorrow, Today!
I don’t want it make it a thing that I have to explain why I was in the McDonald’s. The short version is that my upstairs neighbour finally got a password for her wifi and McDonald’s has free newspapers. I used to go to the diner, Vesta Lunch on Dupont, but everybody always tries to talk to you, and it’s just a bunch of old fucks who I don’t want to know, and the one Dominican guy who works there...
November 2012
1 post
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Salt and Patience
When I was 9, my mother was gone and my father had to learn to cook.
Everyday he would get home from the factory and would try a new dish. There was nobody else: the neighbours were mostly Canadian and we had no family there to help. He didn’t have experience — unless you count heating rations in the army — and he didn’t have the patience. How many times did we eat chewy fettuccine because he...
September 2012
2 posts
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Preparing for Winter
“No, I’m getting this.”
He put his hand on her wallet, gently pushing it away. He took out his Platinum Visa. Overkill for two overpriced espresso drinks, Jill thought.
“I insist.”
He shook his head. “This is my treat. I feel bad. For having to cancel and reschedule.”
The two lattes came up on the bar and he grabbed both.
“Where to?” he said, and answered his own question by walking to...
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The Great Thaw
A few hours before, in that shapeless purgatory that exists when you stay awake next to a sleeping lover, she wondered what he was dreaming of. Now, in his sullen post-sex silence, she didn’t give a fuck about what he was thinking.
He was out of bed immediately, pulling up his jeans, covering himself up with a t-shirt, and stumbling to the kitchen, just outside his room. The morning light...
August 2012
1 post
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Occupy Wall Street Kid
In Japan it’s called The Money Game. The name is direct, almost shamefully so. When it was released here in 1990, it was twisted into something friendly. Wall Street Kid. PG13ification of a culture that’s more comfortable selling kids than hugging them. Wall Street means capitalism. Business. It means making invisible money. It means invisible money turning into fast cars, meals at...
June 2012
2 posts
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But in this day and age, who can afford to...
Transcript of Ronaldo Delacruz Interview
August 28th, 2011
[Interviewee: Ronaldo Delacruz (see attached in-take files). Standard set-up w/ lie detector on table. (see consent form for lie detector attached)]
[Enter Interviewer Peters]
Peters: Well good afternoon Ronaldo. I’m Jonathon Peters. Nice to meet you.
Delacruz: Hello.
[Delacruz tries to lift arm to shake hand, almost detaches...
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A few short conversations about travelling
“It was…a few years ago. I was travelling a lot. I had finished my masters. I was, at the time, 29, and thought that if I didn’t travel now, I was never going to. I did the summer mostly in Europe.”
“Because you’re a cliche.”
“Ha, yes. I know. But I’d never been before. And it is different in some very key ways. Anyways, I started west and...
October 2011
1 post
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Salmon Going Upstream
“I shouldn’t have called your mother a cunt. It’s a bad word. It’s never something you should say.”
Tim, seven and a half years old, had heard it enough times in context to understand. He looked down at his hook, pretending to figure out the tangle of string.
“Here, let me do that for you.” His father put his beer down and took the rod from Tim’s hands. “You forgot the...
September 2011
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An Analysis of the New Season of Two and a Half...
I have to say that until last week I couldn’t care less about Two and a Half Men. I’ve seen episodes. I’m decidedly not a fan. I’d estimate that half the branches I work at have copies of at least one season of the show handy. It’s inoffensive to have around, and, yeah, some people like it. It fits into a broad definition of something you’d have in an office...
August 2011
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July 2011
1 post
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When Your Parents Are Strangers, Ain't No Place...
Just last week, actually, just last week I’m at the supermarket. I’m just…you know, stuff for the week. I’m grabbing some Honey Nut Cheerios and this women, this really beautiful woman is looking at me. And I smile at her. She pulls her cart up and says, “John?”
I still don’t know how to have that conversation. There’s a lot of overlap in how people react, but...
June 2011
9 posts
1 tag
History Lessons
I’ve been in Portugal for two months now. My biggest struggle has been trying to make sense of all the disparate threads that underline modern Portugal, a metaphor to crystallize what I’m looking at. I thought the key to all of it was the suburban alcove that I’m staying in. It’s a manufactured piece of land that didn’t exist ten years ago. What was then...
Potential
This is Reed’s daily routine.
1. After waking up, he opens up a can of Jolt Cola. If Jolt Cola is unavailable, he is willing to use RC Cola.
2. In a separate large glass, he drops three cubes of ice. Full cubes, if possible. 3. He pours the Cola into the glass. He lets it sit for two minutes. 4. He drinks the glass halfway. 5. He then opens a can of chilled Red Bull, pours it into the...
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Lansdowne Station Malaise
Big Money is at his strip club. It’s not open yet, of course. The laws of God and man won’t let it be open before 11. He is fine with that.
His place is next to a church. They share a wall. When he bought the place, much emphasis was placed on how lovely the neighbours were. Big Money has always tried to reciprocate.
Big Money likes to sit outside the club in the morning and get a...
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without a radio, we can all still hear it in our...
Well, it’s…it’s 1:35 in the morning here at HITZ 103.5: It’s 1:35 a lot of places, actually. Maybe if it’s a cool night you’re getting me down on the other side of the lake. If you are, give us a call. Lines are open.
That last track was, of course, Toxic by Britney Spears. A good song. Not my favourite, personally, I’ll be honest. Unpopular opinion, but...
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Form and content: A review of "All Day"
On November 15th, Girl Talk released a new album, All Day. If there are still holdouts, the arguments against Girl Talk are getting slimmer. All Day is a reminder that, despite the number of party DJs and bedroom mashup artists, nobody does it better than Gillis.
On paper, albums by the party-owning cut-and-paste DJ Girl Talk exist for instant gratification: There’s the grin-inducing...
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Paul LeGrun, Head of McCain Frozen Foods R&D
— “It was 1998. It was a rough time for the business. Ideas were scarce. All across the board. I mean, in that business the ‘appropriation’ of ideas was ridiculous, so when Dominoes started offering free delivery in ‘93, you better believe we were all over that. Price of oil per barrel was nowhere near the levels it is...
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April 2011
4 posts
2 tags
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